So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
