Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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