I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
