Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
