someone owes me an orgasm
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
