We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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