Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
