mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
