We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
