A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
