you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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