oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
