She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
