we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
