It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorry my hands just texted you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
