He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
