I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
well you can't waste a boner
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
