so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
