I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
