How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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