My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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