he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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