I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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