So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
