and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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