yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
