I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
