I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
