I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
