just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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