I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
