at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
