you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
