Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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