You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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