There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
