I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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