you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
