Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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