There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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