...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
