If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
