She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
