I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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