I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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