Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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