I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
