I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
