just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
