Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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