Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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